She’s Just Learning To Slow Down…
Lately, I’ve been thinking about how I need to put my son’s first birthday together. While his birthday isn’t until January, I know the holiday season is approaching in a matter of weeks and life is about to get busier than it already is with trying to make the holiday season magical for him. It’s wild to think about how fast this year has flown by. It literally feels like we brought him home from the hospital last week and now I’m looking at tiny party favors and smash cake ideas?! Having a baby truly speeds life up in ways I never expected it to, but as I think about how life feels like its moving in fast forward, I realize how much having a baby also has a way of making you to slow down. He has taught me to notice the little things, pause for silly moments and of course practice an immense amount of patience. Somehow we hit the fast forward button and at the same time I’m learning to hit pause.
Here’s what I mean… The days feel long, but somehow the weeks vanish. One moment I’m rocking him to sleep and of course, intoxicating myself with the smell of ‘baby’ on his head (iykyk), or tracing the tiny curves of his chubby hands and the next he’s wiggling out of my arms, determined to get away from me to play on his own.
It’s this strange mix of wanting time to pause and also wanting to watch him grow - both feeling incredibly amazing and heartbreaking all at the same time.
Some days he’s a total velcro baby. He wants to be held every second of every day. He cries as soon as I put him down and clings to my shirt like he’s trying to melt back onto my skin. I sometimes feel overwhelmed on those days, like I literally can’t get ANYTHING done. But somehow I can accomplish just about anything, one handed. Like literally anything lol. Deep down, I know one day I’m going to ache for his tiny hands to grip my shirt again.
There’s also this weird shame in our society on whether or not you have a “velcro baby”. People say things like, “You’ll spoil him if you hold him too much"“ or “ He’s never going to learn to be independent”…as if I haven’t already had those same thoughts myself. But here’s the thing - babies can’t be spoiled by love. He’s not manipulating me in a way that will create bad behavior; he’s learned that I am safe. That I’m his person. That I am love. He’s a freaking baby for crying out loud.
And honestly, he’s teaching me just as much, if not more!
He has taught me so much about patience and being less worried about the little stuff. Slowing down in general. Sometimes the nap schedule is way off, or dinner turns into takeout. He’s teaching me to laugh when I spill my coffee on my white shirt on our way out the door, or when I realize I need to rerun the laundry because it’s been sitting in the washer for 2 days. Sometimes sitting in his quiet room and letting him contact nap doesn’t fit my schedule but it’s exactly what I need to clear my head. Plans rarely go the way I expect them too these days and life has never been busier - or messier - but it’s also never been sweeter.
So I’m really trying to slow down. Let the laundry wait and the clutter sit on the counter. I’m letting him cling. Because someday, the house will be clean and quiet again. The toys won’t be scattered on the living room floor and there won’t be little whines coming from the upstairs bedroom at 2am. I’m going to keep trying to accomplish everything one handed with a baby on my hip and spit up on my shirt, because this is exactly where God wants me right now. I saw a TikTok recently that said “don’t work so hard to give them a good life, that you forget to give them a good day” and now I can’t unsee it.
If you’re a mom, or parent in the thick of the chaos, just know you’re not alone. You’re not the only one reheating your coffee for the 5th time, or dealing with a baby who had a blowout up his back in the middle of Target. We’re all figuring it out - learning to move a little slower, be more intentional, love with patience, and laugh at the mess. You got this.
XX Shelbi
